Vacation Funnies

Here is a short list of the most interesting quotes heard while on a recent trip to Dallas. I'll let you figure out who said what!!

I didn't know there were churches in Texas!

Don't eat food off of your shoulder.

Hand off your wiener.

Are we there yet (at least 1000 times - 2.5 hours waiting for flood waters caused the majority of these...)?

Don't ever grab things out of the toilet.

Person 1 - My toots smell like roses!

Person 2 - Yeah, roses that were pooped on!

We must still be in Oklahoma - I see an American flag so we aren't to Texas yet.

While walking into Great Wolf Lodge (indoor water park that happens to also have a hotel) - Does this hotel have a pool??

I wish Texas wasn't so hot!

I got no bullets in there - I not shoot anything!!

You not Woody - you Andrew!!

Put Him on Jeopardy!

In the car today, Luke was talking on and on about Darth Vader. Ryan got on a roll about what a great imagination Luke has since he doesn't even know who Darth Vader is.

Andrew snickered and said, "Yeah. Hey Luke - who is Darth Vader?"

Luke replied, "Anakin."

Ryan's mouth dropped open and Andrew whispered, "How did he know that?!?!?"

I have to admit I was a bit amazed myself! Luke's been paying attention!

Good Recovery

We were just at dinner and Andrew snuggled up to Don and said, "You're
my second favorite Daddy."
Don laughed but also looking concerned, asked, "Well who is your first
favorite?"
Andrew replied, "God and Jesus."

If You Have to Leave, Better Be for Something Constructive.

We were at the pool this weekend and Don had to leave early to go to a friend's house. As he was leaving, Luke yelled, "Go home, Daddy! Do some yard work!!"

You Can See Forever from Here!

We are in Dallas and Don & Ryan were at the top of a water slide. Don
commented about how high they were - look how far they could see.
Ryan said, "Wow! We are high!! I can even see downtown!!"
Don thought for a second and said, "You do realize that is downtown
Dallas instead of OKC, right?"
Ryan replied, "Oh - guess you are right!"

Who needs chips?

We were just at lunch and the waiter started chuckling at Andrew.
We looked and realized he was drinking his queso with a straw.
Can you blame him? It was Ted's!

It's Very Fast

Ryan wanted a sub sandwich with ham and swift cheese...

Listen up!!

Luke was in his room for his nap today for an hour but I heard him
talking and singing the whole time.
When I went in to get him, I said, "why didn't you take a nap?"
He was yapping and singing still and pretended not to hear me.
Sometimes, the only way to get him to really listen is to whisper to
him. So I whispered to him, "You are crazy - you didn't take a nap!"
He smiled and put my face in his hands and whispered in my ear, "Yes
me did!"

Fashion Advice from a Kid Named Sharkey!

I was just putting Luke to bed and he gave me a big monkey hug (arms and legs wrapped around - it's the BEST!).

He leaned his body back, looked at my shirt and said, "You take this off."

I said, "What? My shirt?"

He grimaced and said, "Yes. I not like this shirt. Daddy not like this shirt. You not wear it."

Somebody really needs to sign me up for What Not to Wear!!!!

Funny Furry Stout Boy

I walked in the bedroom and found Harry sitting up on the bed with his front paws crossed over himself like he was trying to cover his private parts.

Andrew thinks this is the funniest thing he has ever seen and wanted me to share it!

Oh and his eyes aren't always so goofy looking - I went crazy with the red-eye fixer!

My Biscuits are Burnin'

Luke saw a picture of Cinderella's castle today and told me that I
shouldn't go in that castle.
I asked why and he said, "There is fire in there. You burn you
biscuits!"

My Knight in Shining Armor

I was attacked in the shower this morning by a fiddleback. Seriously. It was on my towel (!) and I didn't know it until I felt something on my shoulder. Of course, when I realized what it was, I screamed hysterically.

Don & Ryan came to help and when Ryan saw it, he yelled, "I'll go get the sledgehammer!"

Luckily, Don nabbed it with a flip-flop and the sledgehammer turned out to be unnecessary.

But it was nice to know he was willing to help!!

I'd Like Wrinkle Cream for my Birthday, Please!!!

My birthday is coming up this weekend and I will be turning 39. Andrew heard me talking about it and said, "I didn't know you were going to be 39."

Stupidly, I asked, "Well how old did you think I was?"

Don started mumbling under his breath, "watch out, watch out."

Sure enough, Andrew answered, "59!"

The 5th Beatle

This morning, we were going to the zoo and took a friend of Andrew's. He is almost as much of a Beatles fan as Andrew is so we played the Beatles list on the ipod.

They all started singing along and were pretending to be the Beatles.

Andrew hollers out, "I'm Paul!"

Joshua hollers out, "I'm George!"

Ryan hollers out, "I'm Ringo!"

Luke hollers out, "I'm Darth Vader!"

Always Expect This Kind of Answer from a Meat-Eater!

Andrew was watching the BBC version of Narnia today in the car.
The white witch in the movie asked the kid what he would like to eat -
his favorite thing in the world.
He asked for "Turkish delight."
Not being able to see the movie (I was driving), I asked Andrew what
it was.
He answered, "It must be turkey - and that is pretty yummy!!"

He's Honest at Least

Luke and Ryan are having a sword fight in the front yard. (Don't worry
- I haven't left them alone - beauty of the iPhone).
Luke just started squealing so I asked Ryan, "did you hit him?"
Ryan's response - "Not as hard as I could have!"

There's Always Gotta be a Middle Man!

I was reading a Junie B. Jones book to the boys tonight. Glad they still don't realize most people consider them "girl" books because I find them HI-LARIOUS!

I was sitting on the floor, Don sitting in the rocking chair across from me and Andrew was sitting on the bed right behind me.

Andrew interrupted my reading by repeatedly saying, "Daddy... Daddy... Daddy."

That drives me crazy in itself but I stopped and Don asked him what he wanted.

So Andrew says to him, "Tell Mommy to show me the pictures if there are any because I'm going to lay down here for a minute."

Priorities!!

We had to get "in the hole" today (tornado shelter) for the first time. Don wasn't home so I was trying to be all brave and calm so the boys wouldn't freak out.

Andrew started looking particularly nervous so I was saying how we were safe, we were going to be okay, on and on.

He looked pitiful and said, "Yeah but are we going to get to eat dinner?!?"

Oh No - He Exists!

Ryan & Andrew were outside playing "police and bad guys" and I told Ryan to watch out for Kokomo Smith (see earlier post...). He suddenly looked scared and asked, "Do you know him???"

Apparently he didn't know I overheard them playing the other day and thought Kokomo was a real guy!

Pantry Party

I found Luke in the pantry this morning. He is notorious for getting into the sugar sprinkles and chowing down. Here is the conversation as he came out...

Me: Luke? Whatcha doin in there?

Luke: Nothing

Me: Were you eating something?

Luke: Something

Me: What was it?

Luke: Nothing

Me: Did you eat sprinkles?

Luke: Something

Then he grinned and wandered away...